A SIMPLE ACT OF KINDNESS

A SIMPLE ACT OF KINDNESS

 

Today I was in the grocery store doing typical pre-weekend shopping. I rounded the corner, pushing my semi-full creaking cart onto aisle seven, when I noticed an elderly man staring at a selection of sponges. A look of utter confusion was pasted upon his wrinkled face. He picked up one sponge, adjusted his eyeglasses, squinted while reading the label, only to put the sponge back and repeat the same process with another sponge. This went on for a few minutes, while I struggled to find the right laundry detergent displayed across from him. Too many choices.

 

The typical response to the elderly man’s predicament would be to ignore the man and go on with shopping. But I personally could not do it. I had to help. And so I did. I walked up to the elderly man and said, “Hi. Can I help you with the sponges?” He turned to me and with a slight tear perched in the corner of his left eye, said, “Oh yes, please. I’m so lost without my wife.”

 

Through a brief exchange, I learned the sweet elderly man was a recent widower and this was his first time grocery shopping without his wife. Apparently she did all of the shopping throughout their forty-seven years of marriage. He was completely disoriented and did not know which sponge to purchase in order to wash the dirty pots and pans piled up in the sink at home. 

 

After a few quick questions and some additional polite conversation I was not only able to help this man find the perfect sponge for the job, but I was also able to help put a smile on his face by simply offering him a few minutes of my time. I wished him well and walked away with a smile on my face too. It felt wonderful to help someone.

 

The take away message from this short encounter is this….

 

When we are being bullied, we are often made to feel as if we don’t matter – that any contributions in life mean nothing. But that is simply untrue. You do matter. And so do your contributions – big or small. Sometimes taking the focus off of ourselves and our problems and giving a moment of our time to someone else can help lift us up after enduring periods of being torn down by a bully. 

 

I’ve mentioned this before in my previous blog, but I felt it worth mentioning again. Words may hurt…but they can also save a life. Doing something as simple as saying “Hi” to someone passing by, giving a compliment on someone’s outfit or hair, volunteering with an organization really does make a difference. It matters to you and to the person whom you are giving your time too. 

 

You never know…you may pass someone in the hallway at school one day who has been bullied so badly they want to harm themselves because no one wants to be their friend. Your simple smile and “Hi” could literally save their life – and you may never even know that it did – and that’s okay.

 

Just a little something to think about….

 

Never Let A Bully Win.

Fight Back.

Live.

 

Hugs – XX

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BEING BULLIED MADE ME BECOME A BULLY. WHY?

BEING BULLIED MADE ME BECOME A BULLY. WHY?
 
I have seen this question appear many times in blogs and comment sections. I thought the time had come to address this often asked, often confusing issue.
 
There are many different reasons that people choose to bully. Anger, insecurity, jealousy, hatred…the list goes on. In the end bullying boils down to control. The need to control another in order to help the bully feel better about themselves. One could almost think of a bully as an Anteater sucking up their victims emotions (like little ants) in order to survive and thrive.
 
Then there are the people who start out in life full of love, care and compassion and because of continual mistreatment by a bully, turn and became a bully too. Not only do these people carry the pain caused by a bully, but now they are wrapped up in the guilt of bullying others because down inside it goes against their nature. To love. To care. To have compassion.
 
The fact that a bullied person sometimes becomes a bully too is really not their fault. They are what is called, “A Victim of Circumstance”. I’m not saying because they are a VOC it gives them a viable excuse to bully. What I am saying is that if there is guilt being felt over bullying another, clearly the person has a heart and a conscience. If a VOC had not been bullied, then perhaps they would not have become a bully too.
 
It is perfectly understandable if someone who bullied others wakes up one day and feels guilty for their past behavior towards others. After all, they turned into the very type of person they spent years fighting so hard against. But what can someone do to help ease the guilt? The shame that comes along with being a VOC bully?
 
First, recognize that the past is the past and as much as we all wish we could go back and undue stuff, it’s impossible. Learn to let it go. It’s over. Done with. Gone. You can’t change it or rearrange it.
 
Forgive those who bullied you. That is one of the hardest things to do, but is necessary. By forgiving the one or ones who did you wrong, you will begin to heal deep down inside where the hurt lives. It’s always better to walk in forgiveness, than in bitterness, anger and hatred. Negative emotions do nothing more than cause destruction in health and other areas of your life. It’s not worth it. Stop giving your bully the control.
 
Forgive yourself for the bullying that you did. Like I stated up above, you were a victim of circumstance. It was not your fault what happened. Yes, you may have done horrible things, but the time has come to let them go, forgive and move on.
 
Always make sure that you talk to someone about your feelings. A parent. A teacher. A doctor. A trusted adult in your life. It is never good to keep bad or sad feelings bottled up inside.
 
No matter what may have happened in the past, keep moving forward. You’ve got a great future ahead of you. Focus on the positive stuff and let go of the negative.
 
Never Let A Bully Win.
Fight Back.
Live.
 
Hugs, XX

YES WORDS CAN HURT, BUT…

YES WORDS CAN HURT, BUT…

 

You’ve made me cry

Only you know why

Seems no matter how hard I try

My words keep getting twisted into lies

You might be slick, even a little sly

But I have a secret…

So take a breath, let out your annoying sigh

You will not defeat me, make me quit life and die

To your cruelty, torment, negativity…..I say, “Goodbye.”

To my joy, happiness and positive outlook….I say, “Hi!”

 

We’ve heard the original saying for years, “Sticks and Stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you”. Well I suppose that all depends on the Who, the What and the Why.

 

Some will argue that the classic saying is true. Others will disagree and say words most definitely hurt and can even cause long term damage to a person’s life. Then there are the head doctors who will over analyze the issue, come up with  a new disorder name for it, treatment regimens, etc.. But that is another matter.

 

As we blossom from newborn babies into adults, there are many people who will speak into our lives. Some of their words will be positive. Some will be negative. And some will fall under the category of constructive criticism with the intention of helping us to become the best we have the potential to be..if we can’t see the possibility ourselves.

 

We revel when the words said to us are positive because there is acceptance and approval involved. But when the words are negative, we are left to feel isolated, unaccepted and hurt.

We are so conditioned to accept and value other peoples opinions of us. Whether it is family members, best friends, co-workers, a crush, someone we look up too, whoever. What they think of us matters to the point of affecting our mood and how we view ourselves. Why? And how can we turn that thinking around?

 

Sociology classes teach us that people need people. After birth we are expected to grow, learn to walk and talk, go to school, graduate, go to college, graduate, have a career, get married, have a family, retire, become grandparents and live out our golden years eating cheesecake, playing checkers, and doing prune juice shots at a nursing home until it is our time to sprout wings and hold a harp.

 

Because we are taught that particular life formula. Because we seek approval. And because we need people, therein lies the very root as to why it is so damaging when we get bullied. Bullying goes against everything we are taught.

 

In every realm, whether it is animal, insect, or human, there is always going to be a “pecking order”. Meaning, there will always be someone in charge and someone fighting to become in charge. This natural order of things does not mean bullying is an acceptable behavior in order to achieve said coveted position of being in charge. There is a difference between being a leader and a bully. Saying hurtful things to someone or about someone for no reason whatsoever other than to cause deliberate pain does not make someone a leader. It makes them a loser and a bully.

 

Think of your life like a pot of stew cooking on the stove and you are the Chef. The words spoken into your life represent different spiced ingredients. Those spices get added to your spice rack as your life progresses. Some of the spices you choose to accept will give your stew a sweet taste, while others will cause your stew to become bitter. As the Chef, you have control over how your life stew will taste. In other words, you have the power and authority to believe or reject words spoken about you.

 

I have mentioned this before, but I think it bears repeating.

Bullying is all about control. It’s about one person trying to control another. Take the control back and you win – the bully loses. It really is that simple. Nobody has the right to speak negative, hurtful stuff into your life. You have the power to reject those negative words. You are in control of your life, not a Bully.

 

Be confident. You have a plan and a purpose on this Earth and that plan does not involve being put down, picked on or shut out. You have better things to do with your time. Hold your head high and own the positive things about yourself and let the negative words fall by the way.

 

Mind over matter. You’ve got a mind and a bully’s opinion of you doesn’t matter.

 

Remember….

Never Let A Bully Win.

Fight Back.

Live.

 

Hugs, XX

 

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD

In my humble opinion, ‪Lizzie Velasquez‬ is the ‘MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD’. She took the highroad and showed those internet trolls that they weren’t going to beat her down, mentally or emotionally. If you are being bullied, this video is worth watching. Ms. Velasquez is very wise and offers a positive outlook and a way to overcome the pain brought about because of ‪‎bullying‬.

Never Let A Bully Win.
Fight Back.
Live.

Hugs – XX

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WWKY7LNX

BEING WEIRD ……IT’S SOOOOOO COOL!

BEING WEIRD…IT’S SOOOOO COOL!

Image 

Weirdo! Freak! Emo! Strange! Oddball! Geek! Misfit! Often considered to be hurtful insults hurled by a bully, are actually code for “Unique”.

 

Victim’s of bullying need to understand right here, right now that….

 

BEING UNIQUE IS CHIC! Phat! Tight! Neat! Fresh! Cool! Awesome! Being unique is a good thing, not a bad thing, as some may have lead you to believe.

 

If you have seen Tim Burton’s film, Frankenweenie, then you know that is Weird Girl and Mr. Whisker’s in the picture shown. If you have not seen Frankeweenie, do – it’s a great flick.

 

Frankenweenie’s Wiki site describes Weird Girl as someone who does not fit in well with other kids. She delivers ominous pronouncements in a monotone voice. Her cat, Mr. Whiskers, is a constant companion. Weird Girl and Mr. Whiskers both have an unnerving, unblinking stare. Weird Girl loves to share Mr. Whisker’s dreams to those whom he dreamt about.

 

Weird Girl is not bothered by the way she is mistreated by others. Kids often give her and Mr. Whiskers a wide berth, especially when she rambles on about the cat’s premonitions. Weird Girl clearly embraces who she is… from her large staring eyes, to her monotone voice, to her psychic abilities to read ‘signs Mr. Whisker’s leaves in the litter box’. The other kids don’t directly bully Weird Girl, but you can definitely sense she is not the most popular person to hang around.

 

Weird Girl is weird. But, she is weird in a cool way. A unique way. Her hair, her dress, her voice, her personality, her quirks..all of it. She demonstrates her weirdness as a special personality trait. She’s never seen feeling ashamed of who or how she is. She embraces everything about herself and could care less what others think of her and Mr. Whiskers.

 

I don’t know about you, but I find being unique fun. Who wants to be normal? Ugh…boring. Be yourself! Be unique! Who cares what they think! As one saying goes, “Don’t ever let anyone dull your sparkle!” As silly as that sounds, it’s the truth. Let your light shine.

 

Whatever unique qualities you adorn;

 

Your physical appearance (eyes, nose, mouth, hair, height or weight)

Your clothes

Your voice/speech

Your personality

Your quirks

Your taste in TV/Movies/Music

Whatever….

(you get the idea)

 

Never give anyone the power to make you feel bad about yourself. Embrace your uniqueness, don’t be ashamed or feel horrible or put yourself down because of it. If someone does not appreciate your uniqueness…First, that is their problem, let them keep it. Second, they are jealous and only wish they had the guts to stand proud and be who they are, wear what they want, say how they feel, etc…

 

I have said it before, but I am going to say it again. There is no one else like you. You are special and you are here for a purpose. A great purpose. You are not here to be beaten down physically/emotionally/mentally by a bully or by a person who clearly does not get how cool, special and unique you really are.

 

Question: Who put a bully troll in charge of deciding that being unique wasn’t cool?

 

Answer: No one….but you should be aware that when you let the bully’s pointless yammering and finger pointing affect you, you are putting them in charge of dictating how you feel about yourself. It’s okay, don’t feel bad – it took me some time to catch on to that one too. Now that you know the truth, brush off their hate and embrace loving yourself just as you are. Change for no one.

 

Weird Girl’s quotes from the movie read, “Mr. Whisker’s had a dream about you last night. If Mr. Whiskers dreams about you, it means something big is going to happen.”

 

That something big is YOU loving, accepting and embracing yourself, being proud of your uniqueness and no longer succumbing to abuse at the hands of a bully, no matter who they may be.

 

If Mr. Whisker’s dreamed it, it will happen…but you have to do your part to help make it happen.

 

Start believing in yourself – Stop believing in your bully.

 

Remember…..BEING UNIQUE IS CHIC!

 

Never Let A Bully Win!

Fight Back!

Live!

 

Hugs XX

Bullycide: To Whom It Concerns

ONE STEP AT A TIME DEFEATS A BULLY

ONE #STEP A TIME #DEFEATS A #BULLY

 

Which step have you reached today in the Bully Battle you are fighting? Are you going to stay on the “I won’t do it” step and let the bully defeat you? Or are you going to take a step at a time until you reach the, “Yes I did it” step and no longer allow a bully to dictate how you should feel about yourself. 

 

You Can Do It – You can make it all the way to the top! None of us recalls what it was like to be a baby. We don’t remember that first all we could do was lay there…then roll over…eventually crawl and after some trial and error…walk, one wobbly step at a time. 

 

You may stumble. You may even fall. But, keep on climbing the steps of life and never let anyone or anything stand in your way.

 

You are a winner! ❤

 

Never Let A Bully Win.

Fight Back.

Live.

 

Hugs – XX

Bullycide: To Whom It ConcernsImage